Struggling to make changes?

"The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change."

― Carl R. Rogers, On Becoming a Person: A Therapist's View of Psychotherapy

Humanistic psychotherapy is developed by Carl Rogers (1902 - 1987) and is also known as "person-centered therapy." Its emphasis is on the healing power of human connection. According to Rogers, problematic behaviors like overeating, drinking too much, and procrastinating aren't altered with confrontation, judgment, or punishment; they are remedied with compassion, understanding, and acceptance, which is called "unconditional positive regard."

Unconditional positive regard does not mean unconditional acceptance. Be careful not to enable others to continue to act in harmful ways because you don’t want to hurt their feelings. Rather, having unconditional positive regard means that you understand that nothing that others do, should give you a reason to stop seeing them as inherently human and inherently lovable. You accept who they are at a level much deeper than surface behavior.

This unconditional positive regard applies to ourselves as well. This is the key. When we feel safe, honesty follows. And being honest with ourselves and others is crucial for change.

"People are just as wonderful as sunsets if you let them be. When I look at a sunset, I don't find myself saying, "Soften the orange a bit on the right-hand corner." I don't try to control a sunset. I watch with awe as it unfolds."

― Carl R. Rogers, A Way of Being

Instead of trying to change or improve yourself, begin by accepting yourself as-is, and watch as changes happen naturally.